Scars and Stars

source The parallelism is rather uncanny.  The first time I’ve seen the trailer, I was like - kwento ko ba yan?  I couldn't help but repost the trailer on FB and one of my friends commented that it indeed was similar to my story, pati look ni Alex sa movie, ako'ng ako back in the days.  I've been in a particular relationship for years. I've fought for that relationship, I even took some friendships for granted. It was a happy one, for a few years. Then it became suffocating, I felt trapped, I felt like I've lost my own identity and all that I am is only complete with him. I felt compelled to always get his approval, I felt scared voicing out my opinions on things. I wanted to get out but at the same time I did not want to put all that we've fought for to waste. I couldn't talk to him without feeling inferior. I almost always end up to be the one at fault. I know he also tried to fix it, but it became too suffocating for me.  It's how it break...

I must admit, I miss writing but I became lazy.   I miss the other blog and it has taken me several tries nesting on this new page before I actually am able to write something. It's just different and I love the other blog but I need to retire it. It has a lot of stories about the past (considering the high frequency of my posts there) that, like a chapter of a book, needed to end. That was more than a decade of my life documented.  I hope I can keep up with blogging this time.  I'd be spending more time on the laptop again so I think I can now also give this blog some attention. I know I can't do daily posts anymore like a few years back because - kids, but I hope at least I can put my thoughts into writing at least once a week.  Really looking forward to getting my "me time" again. :) 

S o I wonder if it is even possible to be surrounded with the people you love most but still feel lost? I've been feeling really down the past few weeks. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I miss Mama so much and I feel like I'm still grieving inside yet I have to put up a strong faćade because, yeah, I am a mother and a wife, too.  Or maybe because I'm missing my friends - I mean I have friends here but I also miss my other friends. And honestly I feel like I'm losing some of them. I know they say that real friendships do not really require you to spend all of your time together, but I just have this nagging feeling that I'm losing some really important people. You know when you do your best to reach out but don't get the expected response? I hang on to the last interaction with that person/s and convince myself that maybe they too just have too much on their plate and could not get back to me as much as before. But the praning in me also tells me t...