Lost?

So I wonder if it is even possible to be surrounded with the people you love most but still feel lost? I've been feeling really down the past few weeks. I'm not sure why.

Maybe because I miss Mama so much and I feel like I'm still grieving inside yet I have to put up a strong faćade because, yeah, I am a mother and a wife, too.

 Or maybe because I'm missing my friends - I mean I have friends here but I also miss my other friends. And honestly I feel like I'm losing some of them. I know they say that real friendships do not really require you to spend all of your time together, but I just have this nagging feeling that I'm losing some really important people. You know when you do your best to reach out but don't get the expected response? I hang on to the last interaction with that person/s and convince myself that maybe they too just have too much on their plate and could not get back to me as much as before. But the praning in me also tells me that maybe I did something wrong, maybe I've missed an important event, maybe I said something that I shouldn't have. 

Maybe I just suck at nurturing relationships. Ugh, I used to be really good at nurturing relationships.  

I overthink sometimes and I hope I am this time. 

Is this midlife crisis? 

I just feel so thinly spread and exhausted. I always look at Lucas and Luna and will myself to be better, feel better. I need to be someone better so I can inspire them to be better individuals, too. I often catch myself resenting feeling this resentment because I know I am blessed with a wonderful family. My husband is supportive and loving. My kids are awesome. Yet I long for more. 

I long for growth, for deep relationships outside my household. I want good conversations. I long to belong. I need a creative output. I crave a couple more hours after the 24th strikes. I need more sunshine.