Twelve

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The parallelism is rather uncanny.  The first time I’ve seen the trailer, I was like - kwento ko ba yan?  I couldn't help but repost the trailer on FB and one of my friends commented that it indeed was similar to my story, pati look ni Alex sa movie, ako'ng ako back in the days. 

I've been in a particular relationship for years. I've fought for that relationship, I even took some friendships for granted. It was a happy one, for a few years. Then it became suffocating, I felt trapped, I felt like I've lost my own identity and all that I am is only complete with him. I felt compelled to always get his approval, I felt scared voicing out my opinions on things. I wanted to get out but at the same time I did not want to put all that we've fought for to waste. I couldn't talk to him without feeling inferior. I almost always end up to be the one at fault. I know he also tried to fix it, but it became too suffocating for me. 

It's how it breaks

I dreamed in vain 

Now I can see that I

Wanted too much of you

Dying flames

Scream your name

I watch you fade

I watch you fade

'Cause it's over now

Can't you see where I am?

I danced in your lonely eyes

You cried, you cried

I was chasing you

I was chasing you

While your colors ran into the sun

I was your ocean

Sweet undertow

And you never drowned

I was chasing you

Was I breaking you

Under this mess we're in I found

Your lifeless body on the ground

My fingerprints were all around

I was the one who took you down

Chasing you, breaking you

Broken you

It took me almost a decade to finally find my voice and the courage to get out of that relationship. That it was over. It took me that long to finally accept that I am not happy and I need to be happy and that I deserve more. I owed it to myself. 

I hope women out there who are trapped in abusive relationships, in unhappy co-dependency also find the courage to get out and free themselves.