Lucas' Birth Story

If I am to rate the pain of giving birth, I'd definitely give it a 10/10.  The pain becomes vague to me especially when I look at my son but I can remember feeling like my body was going to explode into pieces, add to that the awkwardness of being naked on a strange bed in a very compromising position, surrounded by people I know nothing about but their names.

I was in labor for 12 hours and was pushing for an additional 2 hours inside the delivery room!  We went to the hospital at 2am following our OB's instructions to go if the contractions reaches 5 minutes apart. When I went to the ER, apparently I was only 1cm dilated, we need 10cm. I'm lucky my OB was there to deliver another baby that evening, she did my IE and I did not have to open my legs to a different doctor. 

I dilated only a centimeter every hour but it was constant progress, so by 10am I was only waiting for a single centimeter (or an hour) before I can finally push. I was trying my best to ride through the tides of painful contractions but by 11am I was still at 9cm. I was starting to worry but since they say that first timers really take time, I was thinking that I will soon get there. The pain was getting intense by the hour (such an understatement) and I am forever, forever thankful that my sisters, my mother and my husband were there alternately rubbing my back the whole time, accompanying me to the washroom and feeding me food I couldn't care eating. The internal exams were painful but I was telling myself that every pain brings me closer to seeing my son.  Before 12noon, our OB decided to administer oxytocin through IV to encourage contractions. That was my first ever experience having an IV, I am terrified of needles.

With my consent, I was wheeled to the delivery room a few minutes past 12noon even if I was only at 9cm. My OB explained that if we decide to rupture my water bag to further encourage the contractions, it has to be done inside the sterile environment of the delivery room. I was hungry, thirsty, exhausted and in pain. My sisters kept on reminding me that they cannot be inside the delivery room anymore and that I will have to deal with the pain by myself, without them rubbing my back or squeezing my hands and there will be no turning back once I'm inside, I cannot go out of the DR without delivering Lucas unless I will be transferred to the OR for a C-section. That last bit was not an option. 

Inside the DR, our OB explained that I am having an arrest of active labor, that means contractions are either getting fewer and less intense or they are not lasting long enough to encourage full dilation and delivery. The contractions were very painful but were coming far apart I almost fell asleep in between. She increased my oxytocin and decided to prick my water bag. I was already crying because of the pain and I'm starting to fear for Lucas because I know from his latest ultrasound that his cord was coiled around his neck but she assured me that Lucas is doing well. 

We decided to start pushing.  I didn't know how to push but the three nurses and the midwife assisting our OB were very patient on coaching me. I felt like a big failure every time I push and realize that the baby is still inside. The whole process of waiting for the very painful contraction and pushing while it's there is indescribable. During one of our prenatal checks, I told our OB that I originally wanted to have a natural birth (like a water birth) but since that is not an available option, I want as less drugs as possible - including epidural or any other form of pain management. I am proud to say that even if it was so tempting to ask for the pain to go away, I didn't give in.

Our OB told me that if by 2pm, I don't deliver the baby, the only choice left is an emergency C-section. I am so thankful for the whole staff who were there assisting me because they kept on cheering me and encouraging me that I still have a few minutes left, they were even calling Lucas by his name and asking him to come out already. A few minutes before 2pm, I was begging them that I still want to push and I didn't want a C-section.  I begged our OB for a few minutes more when 2pm came, she obliged upon checking on the wellness of my son. Let me also note that their shift ended at 12noon and again my doctor delivered a baby the night before. I imagine how exhausted they were and how they could have just easily turned me over for a C-section but they didn't. 

The few pushes that led me to that final stretch felt like the end of me.  I didn't care if I die or if I get a bad tear down there, I just want my baby out. I begged our OB that if it comes to a choice, she needs to save my son first. Of course, they just laughed it off, nagpapatawa pa daw ako, but I was serious. I feared I might pop a nerve or I just suddenly stop breathing because I was prepared to give everything to push the baby out. 

At 2:32pm, he finally decided to make an appearance.  Very painful (couldn't say that enough) but it was also full of relief.  He was placed on my chest, all bloody 3200 grams of him with cord still intact and pulsating, and realized I couldn't have felt more love in my heart than that moment when I first touched his skin. 

In my 33 years, I did not realize I was capable of enduring that much for such a tiny being. Now that Lucas is turning one, I am celebrating not only his life but my journey to motherhood. Exactly a year ago today, I conquered myself. I won against my fears. I met someone who changed my life and the life of my husband, forever.