Scars and Stars

I f I am to rate the pain of giving birth, I'd definitely give it a 10/10.  The pain becomes vague to me especially when I look at my son but I can remember feeling like my body was going to explode into pieces, add to that the awkwardness of being naked on a strange bed in a very compromising position, surrounded by people I know nothing about but their names. I was in labor for 12 hours and was pushing for an additional 2 hours inside the delivery room!  We went to the hospital at 2am following our OB's instructions to go if the contractions reaches 5 minutes apart. When I went to the ER, apparently I was only 1cm dilated, we need 10cm. I'm lucky my OB was there to deliver another baby that evening, she did my IE and I did not have to open my legs to a different doctor.  I dilated only a centimeter every hour but it was constant progress, so by 10am I was only waiting for a single centimeter (or an hour) before I can finally push. I was trying my best t

I realized that there are truly a lot of opportunities that I can't take because I now have a son.  I find myself in awe whenever I think about this little boy and how his life and his future depends on my decisions.  Although I have learned to be a creature of habit, I also have a lot of impulsive decisions in the past. It is exhilirating to jump into something new without much thought. I want to do that again but I cannot afford to be irresponsible because I am not only answerable to and for myself alone, I have my little family with me. Whatever I do will affect them whether I (or they) like it or not. Another opportunity knocked today and sadly I know I have to decline because it involves moving to a different city. I wanted so much to move to a different city and have a fresh start with my family all by ourselves but we cannot do that without caculating the risks. Ahh, I wanted to say YES, pack my bags and hop in BUT I simply can't. Having Lucas this frag

The first bite transported me ten years back.   Although it has significantly gotten smaller, it still has the same taste that I was willing to get up for in the middle of the night. Nanay brought these for us, so J and I decided to have a midnight "date" right in the bedroom while the little boy is asleep, swapping stories of THE Bacon Mushroom Melt. Back in college, I'd walk around the neighborhood to the nearest Wendy's, alone, in the middle of the night just to satisfy my craving. There's this Wendy's along Commonwealth that I frequented back then and it turns out that J also frequented that particular branch as he was often in Tierra Pura then. He could have been one of those boys I often see while I'm eating alone in that tiny branch. But of course as fate would have it, that was not the time for us to meet, YET.

My life will never be the same again... ever. The past 4 months has been amazing.  I've discovered so much about myself along this new journey... things that I never thought I had or am capable of. Motherhood is truly what they say.  When I look at Lucas, I sometimes wish I had him earlier so I could enjoy this profound happiness longer.  True, there are those nights that I thought I would go crazy because of his demands but when he goes back to sleep, sometimes with a smile on his face, my heart melts.  There are even those nights when I know that I badly need to catch up on some sleep but just couldn't because I can't get enough staring at him.  This little man taught me how it is to be a strong, to be a fighter and how it is to love unconditionally.