Scars and Stars

I went and had that done. It seems like overcoming fears is easier these days. It was painful but the most difficult part was the few minutes before the eargun hit me –- having the courage to actually go to the shop and surrender my ear. I know this is just a small step… and there are bigger ones coming soon. I am grateful for the few who are still holding my hand, lending me strength and pulling me when I am about to stumble. Kaya ko naman pala.

Life is what you make it. Just like a book with different chapters, it is up to us whether we feel like it’s time to turn the page or not. Sometime’s it’s easy, sometimes it will take more of what we have. I have been stuck in one for too long and that realization came to me in such a good time. All along I thought I have left that chapter only to find out that I have been leading a new chapter but still living in the remnants of the other. I found out why – because I willed myself to move on but conveniently let the other characters to hang around. It takes two to tango, true. I thought I was doing “damage control” ,I never realized that someone used that phrase on me a decade ago & it did just the opposite. We may sometimes want to cling on, hope to prolong the read… Other times, we just want to go through in a breeze to get it over with. Unlike a book, we cannot just pluck pages out. It takes enormous courage to accept things that we cannot change. It is such a bl...

So this is how it feels to finally let go and be let go of. I’ve tried to picture this happening in the hope of preparing myself… But as they say – you can never be prepared for such. Sometimes I’d wish that things could have taken a different direction… but I don’t know how long I could have kept on walking through. I allowed myself to take this turn and I don’t regret it – I don’t blame myself and I will never blame you, for this has given me a different kind of strength I never imagined I had. Moving on is easy… Looking back is not and is inevitable. So the new chapter can now begin. This time I think I am going to surrender myself to this and that’s not being weak. This is acceptance. I am glad I am headed home right now. There could never be a better place to start fresh than to start from where I came from.

 an assortment of travel and hotel brochures  So with the big jumpstart that I got I think I can now focus all my energy and attention to my 2012 plans.

So the more I talk about it with friends and loved ones, the more I can feel it actually materializing. What will happen if it happens? That’s exactly what I shouldn’t be thinking of because that’s exactly what I am not going to be doing if this idea flies off. I’m excited and I’ve had some encouragements from people and equally received the opposite too. People react differently to change. I think what’s important is how you will evolve with all the change around you. So 2012 will be for saving, saving, saving…for the big change. So hopefully next year I can take off. Excited!

So here it is… it’s time. Stop screwing up other people’s lives, stop hanging on to them and don’t rob them of their chance to find their happiness. LEAVE. The world may be your playground but their lives are not your toys. They’ve caused you pain but still that does not give you the license to hurt them back. Be humble and take responsibility for your actions. That’s the the least that you can do. You will be brave Jimi . You will be brave. I am always rooting for you because I know that there’s still some goodness in you. Do not loose hope. Everything will be okay.

Ironically, I feel like I have so much to write about but I just don’t get into doing so. I have so much to share, so much going on… too much going on actually. Serenity is what I need right now. Pretty much aware that some, if not most, of the chaos around me is self-inflicted. As with any other realization… I am too stubborn to do what I should do towards simplifying things. Too much of a coward. That has always been my weakness downfall. The bigger boulder though is that here I am fully aware of it yet I can’t seem to snap out of it. When will I ever learn.  stupid girl.