Scars and Stars

S o I wonder if it is even possible to be surrounded with the people you love most but still feel lost? I've been feeling really down the past few weeks. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I miss Mama so much and I feel like I'm still grieving inside yet I have to put up a strong faćade because, yeah, I am a mother and a wife, too.  Or maybe because I'm missing my friends - I mean I have friends here but I also miss my other friends. And honestly I feel like I'm losing some of them. I know they say that real friendships do not really require you to spend all of your time together, but I just have this nagging feeling that I'm losing some really important people. You know when you do your best to reach out but don't get the expected response? I hang on to the last interaction with that person/s and convince myself that maybe they too just have too much on their plate and could not get back to me as much as before. But the praning in me also tells me t...

"Ako na lang ang magkasakit..." - my very thought while wiping my little girl's forehead with a damp washcloth. I think every parent will agree with me.  The little girl has fever and it has been four days. Four long sleepless days. The first couple of days we were just observing her but on the third day, my husband had to skip work because she has reached 39 degrees, refuses to be put down, feeds are erratic and short and I also have a two-year-old to take care of.  I've been constantly offering my milk because I believe in the (super)powers of breastmilk and since we are still on direct latch, my body is aching, I'm sleepless and my nipples are sore.  So today we went to Davao Doctor's Hospital to have her checked. It was my first time to this hospital. I like that it's clean and it's impressive that people are lining up for the elevator. It was Makati Med-ish in the sense that it has a decent lobby and a coffee shop/deli inside.  It was wei...

Indeed, time flies. After a whole year of not updating this blog, I am back. A lot has happened and I can't believe it's only been a year!  For one, we have moved (again), this time it's Davao! This has been one of the top three cities that we considered settling down to, the other two are Malaybalay (Bukidnon) and Sagada (Mountain Province). We've been here for just a little over two months and so far we are loving it. It is tough moving to a new place especially with two kids in tow but by God's grace and with the support of our families and friends, we managed to pull it off.  I am still a stay-at-home-mom but there are a lot of tempting job opportunities here should I decide to work again. At this point though, I'm still not ready to let go of status quo. So at night I pray hard that I am able to manage our finances well so our family of four can continue living off my husband's income.  The kids have grown and are both full of surprises. They ...

I have been an SAHM ( stay-at–home-mom ) for two years now. With everything that I'm juggling, I want to look for little pockets of "me time" every so often... So I decided to go back to blogging.  Since I don't go out of the house at all, I have very minimal interaction with people other than my family, so I decided to just blog about my mommy adventures and mishaps - and everything in between.  DIAPER CADDY Let me start with sharing something that makes my life a little bit easier everyday - my DIY diaper caddy.  Here's how it looks like: just a simple, inexpensive basket filled with our changing essentials.  I decided to improvise a diaper caddy so it will be easier to get stuff especially when changing nappies in the middle of the night. I just grab the basket and everything I need is there. Here's a close-up of what's in it.  Nappies - we are using EQ Dry for our little girl. With Lucas , we were using Drype...

Fast forward June 2015... I now have two angels to take care of. Yay! ;) My days sometimes go by in a blur of diaper changes, spit ups, feedings, baths, play time and other baby mishaps... But I try my best to be present, to savor every moment. I know time will go by fast and before I know it, these two will be needing less of my arms and superpowers.  I am amazed on how I am able to manage to care for them without any yaya. I look around the mess in our room and my long to-do list and see that I still have a lot to improve on in terms of being an efficient stay-at-home mom but at the end of the day, what's important is I always put the welfare of my children first, above any OC-ness on keeping the shelves tidy and the room spic and span. I am a mother. Sigh. That is a tired, yet happy sigh. Motherhood is the greatest blessing EVER. I can never be thankful enough for receiving this opportunity to love fully and be loved unconditionally in return. 

I f I am to rate the pain of giving birth, I'd definitely give it a 10/10.  The pain becomes vague to me especially when I look at my son but I can remember feeling like my body was going to explode into pieces, add to that the awkwardness of being naked on a strange bed in a very compromising position, surrounded by people I know nothing about but their names. I was in labor for 12 hours and was pushing for an additional 2 hours inside the delivery room!  We went to the hospital at 2am following our OB's instructions to go if the contractions reaches 5 minutes apart. When I went to the ER, apparently I was only 1cm dilated, we need 10cm. I'm lucky my OB was there to deliver another baby that evening, she did my IE and I did not have to open my legs to a different doctor.  I dilated only a centimeter every hour but it was constant progress, so by 10am I was only waiting for a single centimeter (or an hour) before I can finally push. I was trying my best...

I realized that there are truly a lot of opportunities that I can't take because I now have a son.  I find myself in awe whenever I think about this little boy and how his life and his future depends on my decisions.  Although I have learned to be a creature of habit, I also have a lot of impulsive decisions in the past. It is exhilirating to jump into something new without much thought. I want to do that again but I cannot afford to be irresponsible because I am not only answerable to and for myself alone, I have my little family with me. Whatever I do will affect them whether I (or they) like it or not. Another opportunity knocked today and sadly I know I have to decline because it involves moving to a different city. I wanted so much to move to a different city and have a fresh start with my family all by ourselves but we cannot do that without caculating the risks. Ahh, I wanted to say YES, pack my bags and hop in BUT I simply can't. Having Lucas this fra...