Scars and Stars

A birthday collage from my mom & siblings Just very a very quick update on random stuff. NOVEMBER Celebrated VT*ch's 4th anniversary with the company last November & I'll be turning 8 yrs old with APS in a few weeks. I'm sure we all go through this phase at one point or another... the question is will I get over this phase or will I finally give in? It has been quite a drag lately because I don't feel that kurot inside me anymore. There have been several decisions that doesn't sit well with me and they're starting to pile up. Went to Boracay with the whole fambam. Yes, all 20 of us! Crazy. Celebrated my birthday. ;) Met up with my UPSCA friends for my birthday salubong . I haven't seen them since December last year & meeting them again was one of the best burthday presents I gave myself. Kuya Jeff & Nge gifted us with a dinner buffet at Manila Hotel for my birthday, so J & myself had the chance to go out o...

My craft corner. I'm always excited when the Christmas season is coming not only because I love receiving gifts but because I'm in-love with wrapping presents. I have this grand ambition of giving handmade presents to all my family and friends. Of course I'm not at all good at crafts and the closest I've been to realizing that dream is giving out handmade Christmas cards (but I tried and will keep on trying). So this year, although work is crazy stressful and busy, life also feels ironically "in-order". Despite the busy daily schedule I am finding more time to explore different crafts. I want to be a crafter! I envy those girls who seem to have magic in their fingertips to create beautiful things! They say crafting is such a "lola" hobby... maybe because you can craft just by yourself, it really does not require much interaction, perfect for those who have their sariling mundo . On the contrary though, based on the crafty blogs that I've be...

So I'm doing a test run if blogging using the iPad is easier... Too bad I need to download Google+ to be able to try uploading photos for and can't just import straight from the camera roll (I didn't want to download anything yet). It's easier and faster obviously because I have a bigger QWERTY keypad compared to the iTouch that I'm used to using and it's way portable compared to my Acer laptop. Looks like I will get the hang of using an iPad for blogging. Well... Let's see. ;)

I was excited for this week since Monday is US Labor Day and we don't have to go to work. On a Monday night! Yeah! But my happy bubble was quickly burst... there's a medical situation that I needed to attend to - which was apparently so urgent that I had to skip work as early as Friday last week. I was hoping to be back working my lazy butt off tomorrow (Tuesday) but after several visits to several doctors over the weekend and this morning, it seems that my long weekend will really be long indeed. I was not allowed to work for the whole week. That spot right there in the picture is a result of a PAINFUL procedure given to me early this morning. I have to go back and have it analyzed on Thursday. Then another consultation with the doctor on Friday. I found myself staring at that spot on several occassions the whole day today. How dare could this one tiny red spot decide on how I will be in the next few weeks (months...years...I don't know). I told my mom about...

I'm driving today. Taking the driver's seat is overwhelming -- it's both challenging, exciting and scary. Just like when one decides to be the captain of one's life. There are a lot of responsibilities involved, a lot at stake... Yet the satisfaction whenever a goal is conquered is simply priceless.

The sun is shining brightly for me.  Oh my, I am amazed with the changes on how I perceive things around me.  I must say that I am pleasantly surprised at this -- it's not a total 360 degrees but it is still a paradigm shift nonetheless. I am proud at how far I've moved, I've been so stagnant for a decade... although I will not say that being stagnant wasted my time, it's just that I took my time too much.  I didn't realize that I could reach for higher things, I didn't realize that I deserve better things.  The support that I'm getting is also overwhelming.  I didn't know that I could pursue my dreams without feeling the guilt that I am leaving someone behind.  I feel empowered to spread my wings.  I sound like an 18-year-old confronting an epiphany, and perhaps this is indeed long over due, but as they say -- better late than never.

I've been really busy lately. I wanted to write about several things but I couldn't find the time to. Heck, the book I've been reading has been sitting on our bedside shelf for weeks, untouched. I couldn't even keep up with my Twitter and Instagram timelines! I am that busy. So busy and tired that I often find myself just staring out the window on my daily cab commute to and from work. Now to the updates... Well, much of my time is consumed by stuff for the 'kumikitang kabuhayan' (as I'd like to call it)... Excel has become my bestest friend and auditing has become my favorite task of all. It's been crazy and it's still is. Time management has been a challenge and I feel like a legit business woman now. ;) I understand that this is a long-term commitment and I'm surprised that I've placed myself in this position (knowing how ningas-kugon I can get). This is not like a hobby that I can just drop according to my whim. I hope I can ...

 grabbed from samanthasotto.com  Finished reading Samantha Sotto 's Before Ever After a few days ago and I like the book except that I wished it went on longer. Aside from the story evolving around Europe (and the Philippines) added so much charm for someone dreaming accidentally stumbling on romance while travelling, someone like me -- a few years ago, that is. It gave me a different perspective on how it is when your better half turns out to have less grains of sand left in their life's hourglass. The actual thought of it happening to me makes me ache, which was also the exact thing J said when I asked him how he would feel if I go first. It was a good love story which also gave me tears along the way (just like the real ones) -- I am such a cry baby and I get carried away so easily. I guess there's that bit in all of us who still wishes for the "ever after" of our stories no matter now cynical all our previous experiences made us to be. Despi...

image ripped from http://www.imdb.com/ Just got home from watching Rock of Ages and it was tons of fun.  I love it.  The movie had a lot of sexual color (this is about rock and roll afterall), but that's not the reason why I loved it. I have always been a sucker for musicals - movies or theater.  Sometimes I walk around wishing life is just a big musical show where I can just belt out how I feel regardless if I'm good at it or not. Going back to the movie...  the characters meshed together real well.  I love them all, yeah, even Russel Brand who seem to be playing the role of "himself" in the movie.  I mean his character didn't seem to be a lot of hard work to visualize. I love the love story twist of him and Alec Baldwin .  Pak na pak ! LOL!  Julieanne Hough was amazing!  Catherine Zeta-Jones nailed the funny choreography. Diego Boneta was cute.  Tom Cruise was hilarious and oh so handso...

My old blog was named Scars and Stars (2005-2012), mainly because I have a lot of scars and I have a penchant for anything star-shaped. When I say I have a lot of scars, I’m not talking about emotional scars… I am referring to real scars. I suffer from skin asthma and I’m allergic to a lot of things, an attack would leave me with rashes and patches of scars. I remember my kindergarten graduation when I insisted on wearing a pair of white lacey leggings not to look cute but because I really feel insecure about my legs. That early? Yes that early. During my junior prom, I wore a cardigan over my sleeveless dress because I don’t want to show my arms. One classmate nicknamed me “ dalmatian ” obviously because of my scars. I started to have a relationship with numerous jogging pants too. I overcame a lot of my allergies. I can now eat chicken, eggs, and seafood. I also rarely get my skin asthma unless I’m really stressed out. I don’t know when or how I was able to rise above t...

Dear Yseph, Today you turn 1! Tita will not be physically there to party with you today but I always make up for the missed birthdays when I’m home, right? I know you’re too young to disagree.  Your Dada used to be our baby too, just like you. I can’t help but look back when he was still little and your Lola Vicky spoils him so much because he is our only boy. You will carry our last name… That is until you get married and it’s too early to talk about that right now. Anyway, as I was saying, amongst your cousins you are the only one who will carry your Lolo’s last name. I don’t know why I mentioned that but it’s amazing how time flies so fast. I know you will grow up to be a fine lady… I know you will make us proud. Always follow your dreams, we will always be here to support you. Love, Tita Jimi

I think I have laid back too much. I feel sad because lately I have taken some things for granted. I haven’t been able to practice my photography, I am often too lazy to wake up early to practice driving, I haven’t spoken to our Mandarin teacher about the classes, the one international trip for this year seems to not materialize, I’m two books behind my a-book-a-month project, work is not a ‘happy place’ anymore and I haven’t spoken to my mom or my sisters in a long time. The list could go on and on and I know that I have a strong hand on turning the table around. I’m not sure if this is just because I feel lazy most of the time or maybe because I already lost my focus. To be fair to myself, I’ve had several accomplishments to boot – I’ve finally opened my personal savings account separate from my travel account and I have resurrected my travel blog. I have visited a lot of new places lately and I am always confronted with the beauty of this gift – this life, this world, thi...

Almost a decade ago I wrote about resurrections when I opened a new chapter in my life. How fitting is it to write about the exact same thought when that same chapter was closed? It was is needed. Not just for myself but also for the people I’ve hurt and those who have caused me pain. We both know that the closure was long overdue and that until we do so, like a caged bird, we cannot take off to foster our own individual growth. We have been robbing each other of the chance to find true happiness because I don’t know…we were both scared to let go of the comfort zone. Finally. It came. It was inevitable. I could have wanted to remain friends and connected but I guess there’s always a time, no matter how we prolong the run, to surrender to the finish line. And that time is here. I still owe it to him, but I owe it more to myself.

I went and had that done. It seems like overcoming fears is easier these days. It was painful but the most difficult part was the few minutes before the eargun hit me –- having the courage to actually go to the shop and surrender my ear. I know this is just a small step… and there are bigger ones coming soon. I am grateful for the few who are still holding my hand, lending me strength and pulling me when I am about to stumble. Kaya ko naman pala.

Life is what you make it. Just like a book with different chapters, it is up to us whether we feel like it’s time to turn the page or not. Sometime’s it’s easy, sometimes it will take more of what we have. I have been stuck in one for too long and that realization came to me in such a good time. All along I thought I have left that chapter only to find out that I have been leading a new chapter but still living in the remnants of the other. I found out why – because I willed myself to move on but conveniently let the other characters to hang around. It takes two to tango, true. I thought I was doing “damage control” ,I never realized that someone used that phrase on me a decade ago & it did just the opposite. We may sometimes want to cling on, hope to prolong the read… Other times, we just want to go through in a breeze to get it over with. Unlike a book, we cannot just pluck pages out. It takes enormous courage to accept things that we cannot change. It is such a bl...

So this is how it feels to finally let go and be let go of. I’ve tried to picture this happening in the hope of preparing myself… But as they say – you can never be prepared for such. Sometimes I’d wish that things could have taken a different direction… but I don’t know how long I could have kept on walking through. I allowed myself to take this turn and I don’t regret it – I don’t blame myself and I will never blame you, for this has given me a different kind of strength I never imagined I had. Moving on is easy… Looking back is not and is inevitable. So the new chapter can now begin. This time I think I am going to surrender myself to this and that’s not being weak. This is acceptance. I am glad I am headed home right now. There could never be a better place to start fresh than to start from where I came from.

 an assortment of travel and hotel brochures  So with the big jumpstart that I got I think I can now focus all my energy and attention to my 2012 plans.

So the more I talk about it with friends and loved ones, the more I can feel it actually materializing. What will happen if it happens? That’s exactly what I shouldn’t be thinking of because that’s exactly what I am not going to be doing if this idea flies off. I’m excited and I’ve had some encouragements from people and equally received the opposite too. People react differently to change. I think what’s important is how you will evolve with all the change around you. So 2012 will be for saving, saving, saving…for the big change. So hopefully next year I can take off. Excited!

So here it is… it’s time. Stop screwing up other people’s lives, stop hanging on to them and don’t rob them of their chance to find their happiness. LEAVE. The world may be your playground but their lives are not your toys. They’ve caused you pain but still that does not give you the license to hurt them back. Be humble and take responsibility for your actions. That’s the the least that you can do. You will be brave Jimi . You will be brave. I am always rooting for you because I know that there’s still some goodness in you. Do not loose hope. Everything will be okay.

Ironically, I feel like I have so much to write about but I just don’t get into doing so. I have so much to share, so much going on… too much going on actually. Serenity is what I need right now. Pretty much aware that some, if not most, of the chaos around me is self-inflicted. As with any other realization… I am too stubborn to do what I should do towards simplifying things. Too much of a coward. That has always been my weakness downfall. The bigger boulder though is that here I am fully aware of it yet I can’t seem to snap out of it. When will I ever learn.  stupid girl.

Yes… This year will be one heck of a fierce year for me! I am saying NO to craps thrown at me. I am weeding out emotional blackmails. I will be answerable only to myself.